I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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