I wanna bring you to show and tell
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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