if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
