Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
