My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
