Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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