Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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