Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
did i just pee glitter
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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