fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
