Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
