If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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