im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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