I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
