I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
