Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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