I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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