My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am one with the molecules
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
