Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
