He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
