I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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