Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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