Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
