Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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