Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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