Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How external is "for external use only"?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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