She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
