Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize