why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Sober January is a disaster.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
