I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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