I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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