Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize