found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
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These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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