I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
