i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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