my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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