Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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