I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
