I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it's like iHOP with fire
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well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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