i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
