Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
