I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
