There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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