all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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