my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
