I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
