Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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