I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
