I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
