Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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