Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
