are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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