Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
