So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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