I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
