I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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