im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize