Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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