Fine. I'll sleep in my office
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
this will be a night to untag.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
