And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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