yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
