so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
