dude i'm inner monologue high
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
