all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have fence marks all over my body
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
