Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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