we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
