Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
