I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
