Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
