Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
