I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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