sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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