I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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