I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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